![]() The only reason Chuck Norris is so homophobic is that he's taken way too many blows to the head.Ĭhuck Norris once attempted autoerotic asphyxiation like David Carradine. The building immediately exploded, because that much raw egotism cannot be contained in one place.Ĭhuck Norris is a creationist because he's in denial about the fact that he wouldn't have been born without some drunkard screwing a monkey.Ĭhuck Norris has two speeds: walk, and curl up into a fetal position. Okay, that's actually not a joke.Ĭhuck Norris dresses up like a cowboy because, like cattle, he generates a lot of methane and even more bullshit.Ĭhuck Norris and Donald Trump once walked into a bar together. That lasted until Chuck stubbed his toe and nearly bled to death.Ĭhuck Norris once sold his soul to the Devil, who then auctioned it off to Mike Huckabee. There's nothing to hit down there.Ĭhuck Norris once tried to imitate Jackie Chan by doing all his own stunts. You can't defeat Chuck Norris with a kick to the groin. He held up a pair of child safety scissors and his beard retreated under his skin. When the zombies came to eat his brains, they starved to death.Ĭhuck Norris used to count sheep to fall asleep, but they kept making him horny.Ĭhuck Norris didn't actually shave his beard. He stares at them… and drools.Ĭhuck Norris once saved the world from a zombie apocalypse. Loser had to start wearing a silly cowboy hat.Ĭhuck Norris doesn't read books. When it comes to Chuck Norris, the term FACTS is an acronym for Fabrications And Completely Thoughtless Statements.Ĭhuck Norris and Superman once fought on a bet. In fine print on the last page of the Farmers' Almanac it notes that annual rainfall figures do not include the tears shed by Chuck Norris, and the figures listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has gotten to subtracting out such overwhelming excess.This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man drives a fucking Jeep. Chuck Norris wanders around aimlessly with a gun. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the chance of success.Chuck Norris attempted to count to infinity.If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may not realize how much he's actually aged. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you.The chief export of Chuck Norris is diarrhea.Chuck Norris is currently suing ABC, claiming Hope & Faith are trademarked names for his left and right breasts. ![]() More about Chuck: Chuck Norris Fearers (Hate Mail) | 20 Ambiguous Chuck Norris Facts | Move Over, Chuck Norris Top 10 Anti-Chuck Norris Facts Top 10 | Newest | Animals | Fighting | General Patheticism | Health | Intelligence | Movies | Music | Sports | Social Life | TV | Women For your safety, this page is secured with ACL (Anti-Chuck Layer) technology, also known as Saran wrap. ![]()
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